> Day 1 of XFL
> Players take the field
> The "Star-Spangled Banner" starts playing
> Fake "thugged out" actor takes a knee during the national anthem
> A loud record scratch plays over the loudspeakers
> The first verse of "I'm Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwald starts playing
> A distant camera shows someone running out holding high a giant 10' x 15' American flag
> The camera zooms to to show Tebow's face paint, reading "JOHN 3:16", and a tear in his eye
> The crowd starts going NUTS
> Tebow points at the thug and starts to run him down
> Thug player immediately starts pissing his pants and shaking in fear
> The second verse starts playing
> Camera briefly cuts to a bald eagle soaring over the field
> Tebow tackles the thug at the 14-yard line while wearing jersey number 88
> Every hu-whyte male viewer Roman salutes in unison while singing "I'm Proud to be an American"
> Tebow lifts him high in the sky over his shoulders
> Tebow suddenly pulls out a Chick Fil-A sandwich and takes a huge bite while looking directly into the camera
> Tebow asks the crowd if he should do it
> Crowd begs and pleads for him to do it while thug actor pleads for mercy
> Verse 3, the climax of the song, starts playing
> Tebow sprints full-speed with him on his shoulders to the 50-yard line and power-bombs him on the XFL logo
> Every single white male shitlord oppressor ejaculates into their tighty-whities while chanting, "XFL! XFL"
> Tebow stands up exactly as the final words of the song, "God bless the USA!", are played, and he pulls out a replica 1611 King James Version of the Holy Bible
> He is handed a microphone and he gestures to calm the crowd
> He reads the entirety of Romans 1 as the crowd maintains perfect silence
> As he finishes he raises his fist and yells, "PLAY BALL!"
> Every single NFL executive has a heart attack and instantly dies